THE MASCULINE MYSTIQUE

        Are women political candidates treated differently by the media then men?  Say yes to this question and prepare to hear yourself called "over sensitive."  However, you had only to watch the "King of Talk" on June 1, 1999 to feel vindicated.

        And do we hear the males complain?  "It is all so damned unfair (whine).  Women get all the attention (whine)."  Well, that may have been true in the past, but no longer because 'Gappers is going to "sauce the gander."

        We base the following "Queen of Talk" interview synopsis on the Larry King program noted above.  In case you missed it, we are forwarding the FAIR ACTION ALERT to all subscribers of GenderGappers.  Be sure to circulate it widely and let the King hear from you.

        Welcome to our Queen of Talk review.  Today, we asked celebrity reporters and fashion journalists to discuss a male presidential candidate's most salient features.  So that no male candidate will feel left out, we'll call him "X."

        "X has a really bad physique.  His ass is nonexistent and he is too long in the torso and too short overall," pronounced CNN's style editor, Hank Harrison.

        "However, he has been extensively done over by some of the greatest camouflage experts available to those that can afford them," chimed in Charlie Aster, entertainment reporter for Live with Regis and Kathy Lee.

        Less forgiving to candidate X was Jenette Gardner who said, "There is nothing good about his figure.  His fat head is much too large for his undeveloped body and his eyes are so close together they touch.  Short legs, long arms, big head all adds up to a gorilla -- unevolved!

        "He has a short fuse and tends to scream when he gets angry," adds Performance Coach, Jane Sands.  "He gets all bitchy and intense, especially when he has fallen off the wagon."

        All agreed that X's smile was a great asset after special makeup and contact lenses made his eyes appear to be wider apart.  This also gave him a more 'trustworthy' appearance.

        It was further pointed out that his recent hair restoration was another plus, since it served to minimize the size of his head.  This along with careful tinting highlights serves to make him seem older and wiser -- less reminiscent of the playboy cutup so many remembered.

        The style consultants who oversee his wardrobe contributed a final touch.  They tailored his trousers and inserted pads to lift and separate his butt, then added padding to inflate his sunken torso.  Special shoes made him appear taller and served to correct his posture.  It was observed that no extra padding of his ego was necessary.

        This final packaging of "X" is served up to men as "rugged and manly," enhanced by his pro-gun agenda, cowboy boots 'n buckle.

        Women, of course, are given two simultaneous profiles of "X" to gush and scream over, "because what females consider desirable in a man depends on where they are in their menstrual cycle.  So "X" is seen to be feminine and sweet at times; assertive and craggy at other times to appeal to wherever the hell each woman is emotionally."

        All the experts agreed that the packaging is working, citing a former flight attendant, Pat Rueppel, from Hooksett, N.H., who said, "Every 'girl' in my husband's office votes for a candidate because he is cute.  For women, looks and appearance is all they want in a candidate."

        There now.  You candidate fellers can't complain about fairness now.  We give you the same attention that the King gave to a woman candidate.  Eat your heart out, Larry, and when you've finished, eat dirt.

        Twanda@ConnRiver.net

        1999-027

        Copyright 1999 Renee T. Louise and Ruth M. Sprague, Ph.D. These articles may be republished for noncommercial use only, provided that they are copied intact, and that this copyright notice is attached. Address all queries to: twanda@ConnRiver.net.

        G e n d e r G a p p e r s   T M