Many events that occurred over the past few weeks, just in this country, have made us aware that being God must be a hell of a rough job. Last week it meant that some really heavy decisions had to be made. Whether it is sports or war, there are always people insisting that a Deity take sides.
And whatever is a God to do when confronted by such a bevy of pious presidential wannabes? It must have been so much easier back in the days when Gods abounded and there were fewer people insisting on their service.
Take snow, for example. Prayers had been going up all over the Northeast for weeks now for something to ski on. So a nice little blizzard is arranged with plenty of snow to shut those skiers up and... Who could know that all those weather people would miss anything this big?
So, instead of hearing only great hosannas of praise, the poor Deity also gets plastered with the curses of the many state officials who were totally unprepared to cope, along with the moans and deprivation from countless of people devastated or simply inconvenienced by the blizzard.
Then there were the near riots in Florida and the political shenanigans of Republican politicians over a small Cuban lad. Wasn't it enough that the kid was saved from certain death in the first place? Now It had to endure Gonzalez from Cuba feverishly telling their beads to get the kid back, and their Gonzalez relatives in Miami lighting candles to keep him in America.
As if that weren't enough, with all the shit that continually had to be dealt with when legislators came back to Washington, D.C., that super storm laid on for the skiers nearly raised hell with the Super Bowl and maybe you don't think THAT brought a bunch of nasty comments.
Perhaps a Deity might claim that It misjudged the effects of a storm It created what with all the input that was coming from that upstart little State of Vermont. What a mess of groans and lamentations rose from that sector of the country. Much of it resulted from a Bishop directing his priests to read an order to attend a political demonstration from their pulpits.
Now, even if a Deity wouldn't choose to dabble in church vs. state matters, It probably couldn't ignore all those robes and collars, especially when some Protestant ministers declared that they too would join in the Bishop's protest and a few more declared that they would oppose the protest. With all this, it seems reasonable that even a God could miscalculate the size and direction of that snowstorm.
It's enough to make a God weep in frustration. All those clergymen that were supposed to be engaged in spreading a gospel of peace, love and tolerance had their shorts in a knot over gay marriage. Well, in this case, a Deity could take a certain amount of satisfaction in knowing that the storm, ill conceived as it was, made driving the interstate to the protest on the Capitol grounds unsafe. Sure knocked THAT priestly/ministerial protest and anti-protest into a cocked hat!
Then the Bishop called in to talk radio programs urging people to join his protest. He claimed that the Bible said marriage was sacred to one man and one woman and that God wouldn't like for men and women to be REDEFINED.
Well, we can't speak for God who supposedly gave human beings free will, but that comment got our dander up here at GenderGappers. We think it's a fantastic idea that WOMEN REDEFINE themselves, and it wouldn't hurt a lot of men to do likewise. Surely any Deity would expect Its creations to improve over the millennia since creation, wouldn't It?
We bet that a God would get tired of such constant conflict and trivia coming in all the time and would eagerly be looking for something upbeat and uplifting once in awhile.
So our advice to any Deity that may still be hanging around is to kick back and turn on the celestial VCR. Trade the incessant Battle of the Bibles for a Battle of the Bands performed by the cast of Xena-WP in the movie, LYRE LYRE HEARTS ON FIRE. Raising a most JOYFUL noise unto all, Lyre roundly condemns WAR AND INTOLERANCE while commending and recommending FREEDOM AND TOLERANCE.
Among the songs performed by the cast were "Dancing in the Moonlight" (King Harvest), and that old timer, "People Got to be Free" (Rascals). But the show stopper for us, and we hope for any God that may be listening in, was a song introduced by Eurithmics duet with Aretha Franklin.
SISTERS ARE DOIN' IT FOR THEMSELVES.
Now there was a time
when they used to say
That behind every - "great man"
There had to be a - "great woman."
But in these times of change you know
That it's no longer true.
So we're comin' out of the kitchen
'Cause there's somethin' we forgot to say to you (we say.)
Sisters are doin'
it for themselves.
Standin' on their own two feet.
And ringin' on their own bells.
Sisters are doin' it for themselves
Now this is a song to celebrate
The conscious liberation of the female state!
Mothers - daughters and their daughters too.
Woman to woman
We're singin' with you.
The "inferior sex" got a new exterior
We got doctors, lawyers, politicians too
Everybody - take a look around.
Can you see - can you see - can you see
There's a woman right next to you.
Now we ain't makin'
And we ain't layin' plans
'Cause a man still loves a woman
And a woman still loves a man
Just the same though (back to chorus)
The CLERGY could learn a lot from TPTB (The Powers That Be)!
Copyright 2000 Renee T. Louise and Ruth M. Sprague, Ph.D. These articles may be republished for noncommercial use only, provided that they are copied intact, and that this copyright notice is attached. Address all queries to: firstname.lastname@example.org.
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