NOVEMBER 10TH AWARDS

        What's so special about November 10th? Well for one thing it's the 314th day of the year (315th in leap years) in the Gregorian Calendar. No other day can make that claim.

        In addition, it is the day in history that Henry Wirz, former commander of the infamous Confederate prison at Andersonville, Georgia, was hanged in 1865 in Washington, DC. http://memory.loc.gov/ammem/today/nov10.html

        Actually others were guiltier, but poor old Henry was left holding the bag, so to speak. A feeling that many of us can relate to today. So in memory of Henry and all other "mean-spirited" POW camps our civilization continues to construct, 'Gappers announces the following awards.

        The No-Joy-In-Mudville Award goes hands down to the pollsters and pundits that collectively failed to weigh the effect of the anger of Conservative voters who blamed the Democrats for the peace and prosperity of the Clinton years.
        They will each receive a Janus bobble-head. One of the two faces will bobble up and down and the other will bobble from side to side.
        The Mega Kid Vicious Award goes to most of the media who knew the Wellstone family was holding a CELEBRATION OF LIFE ceremony yet published vocally and in print that it was a FUNERAL. It was this insidious label that caused the anger of those thinking the celebration seen on TV was a funeral and very inappropriate.
        Their prize is a week shackled together in the public stocks where they will be forced to watch the same episode of The Brady Bunch over and over.
        The Bite-Off-My-Nose-To-Spite-My-Face Award goes to the wildly cheering conservative-hateniks of Vermont. They cared not a whit that their two Senators would no longer hold the chairs of influential Senatorial Committees that brought great benefit to Vermont and the nation with the Senate leadership going to the Republicans. Vengeance was so sweet -- it always is for cowards.
        Their prize is to hold the winning numbers called out for the coming military draft so they can be the first ones to invade any country on the Bushie's whim.
        The Foul Mouth Award goes to all the instigators and writers of some of the most disgusting attack ads of the campaign.
        They will be given the choice of a mouthful of soap every day for a month or a public caning in the nude held in all the state capitols these ads appeared in.
        The Cold Toilet Seat Award is presented to the 60% of Americans that did not bother to vote.
        For this most egregious of un-American acts, they will be rewarded with direct hits of dark, sloppy manna dropped by very large birds whenever they go outside.
        Finally, The Onward Christian Soldier's Award to the Rychus ones "marching off to war." They follow the way and the teachings of their God, Jehovah, which is that violence is the answer to everything.
        Everyone in the whole wide world will share in the prize for this award. Altogether now: http://www.clarkson.edu/~winklebh/vietnam2/fish.html

            "And it's one, two, three
            What are we fighting for?
            Don't ask me, I don't give a damn,
            Next stop is Iraq-Saddam*. [Vietnam* - artistic license taken].
            And it's five, six, seven eight,
            Open up the pearly gates,
            Well there ain't no time to wonder why,
            Whoopee! we're all gonna die."

                -- Country Joe and The Fish

        twanda@twanda.org       

        2002-048

        Copyright 2002 Renee T. Louise and Ruth M. Sprague, Ph.D. These articles may be republished for noncommercial use only, provided that they are copied intact, and that this copyright notice is attached. Address all queries to: twanda@twanda.org.

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