03-30-1995 Women of Achievement and Herstory

      "When a man you care for makes a sexist comment, such as `I
guess if today's meeting doesn't go her way, she'll cry,' or `I'll bet
that's a woman driving,' or `Sexual harassment shouldn't be outlawed,
it should just be graded from excellent to poor,' and expects you not
to mind, tell him (in a non-blaming way) that you do. 
      "You might say something like: `I know you don't mean any harm
by it. And I know we all harbor some sexist thoughts since we were
raised in a sexist society. But I feel uncomfortable when you make
sexist remarks.' 
      "If you're in a relationship with this man, you might also add,
`One of the  things I value about our relationship is that we're very
loving toward one another. But I feel less loving toward you when you
make disparaging remarks about women.'
      "Unless we constantly enlighten men - even if only with small
reminders like these - this sort of sexist commentary will never go
away and things will never change. 
      "If you're in a group or with a man who makes a sexist joke,
don't join in the laughter.  Anyone who has seen clips of women in
audiences watching Andrew Dice Clay when he did his woman-hating
schtick knows that women often go along with group laughter at sexist
humor, especially when the man they're with is enjoying himself. But
letting a man think you find putdowns of women acceptable (even if
they're disguised in humor) only sends the message that it's okay in
your mind. Next time you hear a sexist joke, tell the man (or woman)
who told it you are not amused, and why. 
      "If a stranger makes a sexist remark as you're walking down the
street  (say a guy yells out, `This girl's got legs!' or `Oh come on, give
us a smile,' or worse, [explicative deleted - we've all heard them]),
don't smile to placate him. If you do, it may give the false impression
that you find this kind of uninvited attention flattering. It is not
flattery (street harassers [or *P harassers] are generally not very
finicky) and catcalling is about exerting power, not giving compliments.
(We all know what it's like to grow afraid as we approach a group of
guys hanging out on a street corner, ogling us as we get closer . . .
in such a moment, they have the power, not us.) 
      "Moreover, when you think about it, it's not a very long stretch
of the hand from this kind of unwanted verbal harassment on the street
to an unwanted sexual assault in a dark doorway."
      -- How To Become An Assertive Woman, The Key to Self-fulfillment
by Bryna Taubman. 

03-30 Anniversaries ...............................................

      B. 03-30-1867, Jessie Donaldson Hodder, when her common-law
husband rejected her and their two children, found work in the New
York State prison system and developed reforms that became the model
for the nation by giving women prisoners dignity, a chance to reform,
education, etc.

      B. 03-30-1882, Melanie Klein, pioneer child psychologist who
believed cruelty against the mother affected the child much more than
Freud and his school of followers had thought. 


(C) 1995 Irene Stuber, PO Box 6185, Hot Springs National Park, AR
71902, irenestuber@delphi.com. Distribute verbatim copies freely with
copyright notice for non-profit use. Don't let anyone tell you there
weren't notable and effective women throughout history.  They were
always there, but historians failed to note them in our histories so that
each generation of women has had to reinvent themselves.